My Mom is at peace

The following is taken from a layout I did for my Book of Me its the journaling about my mom
Did you know Mom that I never felt loved by you?
Did you know Mom I dont ever remember you telling
me that you loved me as a child and it wasnt until
we talked about it as adults that I can remember
you saying you loved me?
Did you know Mom how much it hurt me when I got
pregnant as a teen and you forced me into placing
my baby up for adoption?
Did you know Mom that when I had to do that it
killed my soul and robbed me of happiness for
so many years of my life?
Did you know Mom that it hurt even more because
you were embarrassed because I wasnt married and yet
you were pregnant when you got married?
Did you know Mom because I longed so much to feel
love that I married the first man that told me he loved me?
Did you know Mom that it wasnt the kind of love I longed for
and spent twenty years of my life in a dysfunctional marraige?
Did you know Mom that when I lost my second baby
because he was born too early that I thought I was being
punished by God for giving up my first for adoption?
Did you know Mom that when I gave birth to Caitlin and you
were so happy about it that it hurt so bad because I wanted
you to be just as happy as when I gave birth to my firstborn?
Did you know Mom that it was hard when she was a newborn
to bond with her because I was afraid someone would take her
away from me too?
Did you know Mom that when I had children of my own that I
learned what it was like to unconditionally love childrem?
Did you know Mom that I grew up to be a more compassionate
and loving person?
Did you know Mom I learned from my childhood how NOT
to love?
Did you know Mom that I no longer have a need to search for
love because I know how to love myself for who I am?
Did you know Mom that it made me a better person with a huge
heart that knows how to love wel?
Do you know Mom that I have accepted it for what it was but will
never truly understand?
Do you know Mom that I forgive you?
Do you know Mom that I love you and always have?
Would you do it different if you only knew Mom?

I have always loved my mom and I am truly happy she is at peace now