I did it

I went to my doctor today and told him I knew I was going into depression and asked to be put back on prozac. He had to ask me what my symptoms were so I played along letting him do the doctor thing and then he agreed I was depressed. It didnt take a brain surgeon to figure that one out lol. The way its affecting me the most is Im sooooo dead tired all the time if my body would cooperate with me for once I would sleep my day away and honeslty Im not too much of a sleeper. Give me five hours of uninterupted sleep and Im good to go. Sleeping more then that is a waste of time to me there are so many other things Id rather be doing. My ambition is suffering too so I didnt want to wait until I was deep in the throes of depression before I sought help for it. I want to kick this in the butt instead of it kicking mine.

Depression sucks

I always think of myself as a fighter but Im also someone who likes to think positive so once again Im having to admit that depression is starting to sink its ugly teeth into my rear end. Ive known from past experiences that just willing it to go away doesnt work so Ive decided I need to make a appointment with my doctor and go back on antidepressants. I need to be the best person I can be because Im a mother and I refuse to let my kids down.

Six Best Things and Six Worst Things In Life

Inspired by Karen/Kacomi of Scrapjazz

The six best things in my life have been:
1. Having all my children
2. Searching for and reuniting with my daughter Jessica
3. My family especially my sister Eileen and my Grandmother
4. Becoming strong enough to leave a marriage and move on to really start to live life
5. Meeting Glenn and experiencing being in love with him
6. Being a survivor on many many levels and having my weight loss surgery for it truly saved my life

The six worst things in my life:
1. Losing my beloved daughter first to adoption then to death
2. Predjuidice
3. Dealing with the state of Floriduhhhhhhhh
I cant think of anymore maybe because I tend to think of bad things as being opportunities to grow

Oscar tagged me

5 weird things tag from Oscar

Weird things about myself
I was tagged by Oscar from Scrapjazz, these are the rules:
List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets.
Tag 5 friends and list them.
Then, those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people.

1. I dont like being alone even though Im the adult I feel safer with my kids in the
house with me
2. I DO like liver
3. I am double jointed
4. I love having my feet rubbed and wish Glenn was a man with a foot fetish lmao
5. I found the love of my life online lol

the five girls I tag are Sizemore Ubergoober Lesfitz Leslemora and Dreamweaver

today you cant read Diary of a Happy White Woman

why? Because I dont know where she is today because she sure the heck isnt inhabiting this body of mine today. Todays been really rough on me emotionally and Im always optimistic and positive but today has just stretched me to the end and back even rubber bands lose their resilience if they are stretched too much. But unlike a rubber band I do have faith I will snap back so I quess Im not totally negative so thats a good thing after all. I will always have faith and hope and that will carry me on days Im not happy and will remind me to carry on that things are always temporary and given time it will get better as I now from past life experience guess theres something good to having some time on this earth of ours under your belt

My life path Number is 2

Your Life-Path number is probably the most influential numerological aspect to be considered. This number is determined by your birth date and represents who you are at this time. It indicates specific traits that are present and will likely be active and influential throughout your lifetime. It is the overall number that determines much of what will be important to you and how you will handle things as they come.

If your Life-Path number is TWO, your life is likely to be characterized by productive interaction with others. You will have a strong sense of fairness and the profound ability to keep things in balance with others. Key words for a TWO Life-Path number are cooperation, mediation, consideration of others, partnering, and adaptability.

As a TWO, you’re likely to be extremely sensitive and care deeply for others. You like to see the best in others and want the best for them.
As long as you take care to protect yourself against deceit and equally want the best for yourself, your life is likely to be one of enhancing the lives of others. Trust your instincts where others are concerned and check things out if you have any feelings that are unsettling. Better safe than sorry.

In a crisis, you’re the one to have around as your sound judgement and stable nature will handle most anything. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself the local mediator for most everyone. You (and others) will recognize that you can be unbiased in even the most complicated scenarios. This passion for others can lead to difficulty for you in saying ‘no’ even when this is what you truly feel. You may have to work at balancing your counseling and mediation demands with adequate time for yourself and your own troubles as they arise.

A TWO’S life purpose may well be to gather people together, to strike cooperation and encourage team spirit. Keeping the peace and directing a group’s energy can produce amazing results. Honest, stable and tactful, a TWO can do much. You may have to watch for lethargy and passivity. Apathy can also develop if you don’t keep yourself involved.

Keeping yourself motivated and in touch can be challenging and a TWO can find themselves in a rut before they know it. Other people bring the best out in a TWO. With this in mind, isolation is often damaging to the spirit.

Because of the TWO’S love of an amiable environment, business partnerships that foster tremendous competition may not be suitable. Consider choosing partnerships that allow your talent for bringing others together in the spirit of cooperation and accomplishment to flourish.

I was just surfing the net and came upon a site and while I dont beleive in this kind of stuff I found this pretty interesting and for the most part accurate for me but that also being said generally things like horoscopes are just that very general and can pertain to almost anyone who reads it lol.

14 Simple Pleasures

1. waking up every day
2. sunrise at dawn with a cup of coffee on my front porch
3. seeing the first flower in spring emerging from the snow laden earth
4. witnessing the streaks of sunshine radiating golden rays towards earth
5. a babies laugh
6. Diet Mountain Dew
7. stacks of patterned paper
8. a found moment from the busy day just to listen to nothing at all
9. a phonecall from a friend who you havent talked to in awhile
10. coming home from a trip to the corner and your dog is happy to see you
11. a butterfly lighting on a flower
12. being called mom
13. phone dates every night
14. taking nothing for granted

My Everyday Life

I think the reason why I find it so hard to keep up with my blog is that I dont have that many interesting things going on in my everyday life. Im just the ordinary lady you see around your town as you go about your business but you hardly notice. Im not loud or showy and tend to shy away from being even close to the center of attention. Im the single mom who works hard at raising her children doing the best she can with what she has. Im the hardworking mom who works long hours doing a job she is lucky to truly love to put a roof over her kids heads and meet more then their basic needs even though her children dont realize that right now there may come a day they will and hopefully be appreciative. Im the peacemaker and the nurturer the one you can come to in a time of need and Ill always do my best to comfort you if it is at all possible. Im the woman who always has time but is always running short on hours of the day. Im your ordinary woman living your ordinary life in a extraordinary world who at times has faced immeasurable challeges but yet I struggle through the muddle because I know the end of the journey has great rewards I will not be able to fathom at this point in time. Im very family orientated and family is my greatest gift. I love freely and openly I dont put limitations on my heart because to me that would be a travesty. Im the woman you see every day living the ordinary life and enjoying every minute of it. Would I change my everyday ordinary life? No because it has made me who I am.

Its all about the 7's baby

7 people I admire1.Mother Theresa 2. Ghandi for their compassion 3.Oprah for all the charitable things she does 4.Abraham Lincoln one of my favorite presidents 5.Rudy Guiliani for his leadership and courage during 9/11 6.My grandmother Ganny Louise McAviney truly one of the greatest people I have ever known 7. my daughter Caitlin who has been through so much yet remains optimistic.
7 things I say often1. I love you 2.Nah 3.oh wow 4.cool 5.oh man 6. good job 7.dang
7 things I can not do1.sing 2.dance 3. be graceful lol 4. think without letting my heart rule 5. stop procrastinating 6. get totally organized 7. be extravagant
7 things to do before I die1. lose more weight 2. get healthy 3. swim with the dolphins 4. skydive 5. get married 6. publish my book 7. live alot more
7 things I admire about my boyfriend Glenn1. his honesty 2.his compassion 3. his wit 4. his faith 5. hey he is cute hehe 6.his southern drawl 7.he is fun to be around
7 books I could read again 1. Shawshank Redemption 2. Needful Things 3. Bag of Bones 4. The Green Mile 5. Misery 6. Salems Lot 7. Skeleton Crew
7 Favorite Movies1. Schindlers List 2 The Sound of Music 3. Saving Private Ryan 4 The Green Mile 5. Silence of the Lambs 6. The Wizard of Oz 7. Full Metal Jacket
7 people who should do 7 1. Nancyroo 2. AshleyS 3. Oscar 4. LesleMora 5. Floridascrapper 6. ChristinaP 7. Kacomi

Christinekay's Blog Challenge

Okay so I posted on Scrapjazz about needing some blog challenges or topics and Christinekay wanted to see how ugly a job I did on whacking my Florida jungle backyard ask and ye shall receive but I warn you it isnt pretty but it would have been even uglier had I cut my finger off using my bushwhacker

Neens Blog Challenge

7 DEADLY SINS

PRIDE – Which of your attributes or talents are you most proud of?I would have to say my sense of compassion. I have been through alot in my life and it has enabled me to be more empathetic understanding and loving
ENVY – What brings out the green-eyed monster of jealousy in you? This is really hard to answer I am so not a jealous person I guess I would have to say when I see people with babies but it is more a longing then a jealousy
SLOTH – What’s your idea of relaxation?well if I could sleep I would say sleep but since I dont get much sleep I would say either talking on the phone on being online sometimes both at the same time
LUST – Who do you lust after?umm Glenn?
GREED – What was your last budget blow out on?I just replaced a washing machine and a dishwasher
ANGER – What gets your blood boiling?Predjudice I hate it in any form
GLUTTONY – What’s your favourite food?truly depends on the moment and what Im in the mood for but shrimp or shellfish is usually good

Im a wet sore tree whacking mess

I bought a bush trimmer in hopes that I would get my yard looking good and was really hoping that what I bought would only cut limbs from my bushes and trees and not me lol. I was looking at small chainsaws but the thought of using one absolutley terrified me as I dont even have good luck with my riding lawn mower. I have caught it up on my gardens edging and even hit my new car with it. Yes Im dangerous around mechanical equipment but hey Im a woman and thats a mans job lol. Oh yeah I also took down a downed power line with my lawn mower just ask Glenn about that lol. So I was at Lowes yesterday and bought the bushtrimmer which is like a baby chainsaw I read the instructions and safety instructions and as my luck would have it I did get careless and almost had a accident because I was totally not thinking and put my hand in front of the gaurd and umm noticed my finger was only about 2 inches from the blade egads that scare sure opened my eyes I made a mental notation to not do that again as I am kind of attached to my limbs and like it that way. Anyways I did trim the bushes and cut down quite a bit of Florida jungle in my back yard today it looks like hell but the last time I did it with the manual hedge clippers it still looked like hell and this time it was alot easier to get them to look like that

A to Z about Me

A: My age is 45 how did I get to be that old I dont know I think I was born too soon.
B: Bashful thats what I am and one of the things I would love to change the most about
me even though my friends will laugh if I say Im shy but I truly am they just dont
know how outgoing my innerself really is.
C. I was born Cathleen Louise Jones and my daughter is named Caitlin which is gaelic
for Cathleen but I didnt know that at that time I chose her name I just loved it and
still do.
D. My dog is named Buster he is a Llaso Alpso with a bad overbite and my faithful
shadow.
E. I have one sister and her name is Eileen. Im lucky to have her in my life
F. I am very faithful.
G. Glenn the love of my life.
H. The above mentioned always makes me happy.

I. I am madly in love with the person who is letter G on my list.
K. K.K.K. I absolutley detest predjudice of any kind.
L. I hope my legacy I leave to others is that they all know how much they are loved.
M. Motherhood has been my greatest job and honor I have ever had.
N. Nicholas my little man who now towers over me.
O. Opportunties always exsist to me although I may be afraid to explore them.
P. Passions are important in living a rewarding life Im lucky I have many.
Q. Query I am always a inquisitive person and I ask alot of questions thats how I
became a diva on Scrapjazz lol.
R. Roadtrips I love them and have been across the country several times and have been
to every state except Alaska and Washington.
S. Sunshine everyone should lead a life filled with sunshine and happiness.
T. Treasure of all the great treasures the world has to offer the only ones that
truly matter are those you have in your life who you love and love you back. Im
very wealthy.
U. Im often told Im unique. I take that as a compliment.
V. Vital to me is my faith and hope for with those nothing is impossible.
W. Watermelon I think I could live off it.
X. Im old enopugh to know what a xerox is
Y. Youthful Im told often I look youthful for my age I enjoy hearing that lol
Z. ZZZZZZZZZ's are ever elusive to me.

My sister my friend I love you Eileen

My sister Eileen where do I start to tell you about Eileen? Or even more of a monumental task to let you know how much she means to me? Ill start on the morning of November 20 1969 when my mom went to her scheduled OB appointment and her doctor told her to go across the street to the hospital because she was going to give birth that day. I had been at school and saw my grandmother standing there when my two brothers and I got off the school bus and I excitley ran up to Ganny and asked her what she was doing there and she explained Mommy had the baby today and we all chimed in at the same time to ask the most important question we all had "what is it a boy or a girl?" When Ganny said a girl I screamed in delight while my brothers only groaned and walked into the house I was too busy dancing in the driveway and whooping it up I have a sister!!! Thirty six years later I can still honestly say I can still whoop it up I have a sister!! I was nine years and 18 days old when my sister was born and some people might think that that is a huge age difference for siblings to be so close but we were always close and no matter what direction or path our lives take us on we will always be close. The bond of sisters is so special to me I could never explain it to anyone who isnt as close as we are.........its just such a intense love and friendship that is always there and never taken for granted and always appreciated. My life is always better because Eileen was born I cant explain it so Ill just say I love you with all my heart Eileen but you already know that

Yes I am a stale blogger

Oh boy Im a self admitted stale blogger . I wonder if it is because I am also a self admitted procrastinator? Im sure that has oodles and oodles to do with it. It could also be that I have only had a couple of days off from my job this month and when Im off of work Im just too tired to post. Maybe its because I dont think many people actually read my blog so who am I to care if it is stale because I already know its stale lol. Maybe there is no real good reason why its stale and it just is all I know is when I saw on someones blog that I was a stale blogger I almost died laughing and then to read Nancys post today about stale bloggers it was the kick in the pants I needed to get fresh again because I cant think of much of anything thats good stale....well maybe except for stale peeps hehe now off to think of a topic

Yes I love him

It has been said all we need are three things in life: Something to do..something to look forward to..and someone to love..with you I have all three

You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete


“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”

“When you smiled you had my undivided attention. When you laughed you had my urge to laugh with you. When you cried you had my urge to hold you. When you said you loved me, you had my heart forever.”

I love Glenn with all my heart. Glenn is the sweetest nicest man I have ever had the pleasure to meet and Im so lucky he is in love with me.I could only dream before of finding someone as wonderful as he is but loving him proves that dreams do come true if you wait and beleive. I love you Glenn

My Mom is at peace

The following is taken from a layout I did for my Book of Me its the journaling about my mom
Did you know Mom that I never felt loved by you?
Did you know Mom I dont ever remember you telling
me that you loved me as a child and it wasnt until
we talked about it as adults that I can remember
you saying you loved me?
Did you know Mom how much it hurt me when I got
pregnant as a teen and you forced me into placing
my baby up for adoption?
Did you know Mom that when I had to do that it
killed my soul and robbed me of happiness for
so many years of my life?
Did you know Mom that it hurt even more because
you were embarrassed because I wasnt married and yet
you were pregnant when you got married?
Did you know Mom because I longed so much to feel
love that I married the first man that told me he loved me?
Did you know Mom that it wasnt the kind of love I longed for
and spent twenty years of my life in a dysfunctional marraige?
Did you know Mom that when I lost my second baby
because he was born too early that I thought I was being
punished by God for giving up my first for adoption?
Did you know Mom that when I gave birth to Caitlin and you
were so happy about it that it hurt so bad because I wanted
you to be just as happy as when I gave birth to my firstborn?
Did you know Mom that it was hard when she was a newborn
to bond with her because I was afraid someone would take her
away from me too?
Did you know Mom that when I had children of my own that I
learned what it was like to unconditionally love childrem?
Did you know Mom that I grew up to be a more compassionate
and loving person?
Did you know Mom I learned from my childhood how NOT
to love?
Did you know Mom that I no longer have a need to search for
love because I know how to love myself for who I am?
Did you know Mom that it made me a better person with a huge
heart that knows how to love wel?
Do you know Mom that I have accepted it for what it was but will
never truly understand?
Do you know Mom that I forgive you?
Do you know Mom that I love you and always have?
Would you do it different if you only knew Mom?

I have always loved my mom and I am truly happy she is at peace now

Friday Blog Challenge

Write about some item you find beauty in that many others might not

I am able to see beauty that others may not always see but I think if they took the time they could see all the beauty that passes them by unnoticed and unappreciated. Unfotunatley death has taught me some valuable lessons .I learned upon the death of my daughter that there are so many things in life that are the little tiny things that sometimes may seem inconsequential but they really add up and strengthen the fibers that tie our lives together. I see beauty in the barren trees of winter because i have faith that come spring the new tender buds will erupt and bright green shoots of new leaves will soon become beautiful once again. I also think there is beauty in everyone even someone that most people would not want to look twice at such as a homeless person on the street but if you took the time to look twice and sometimes even more you fill find beauty. Beauty is not always evident and the beauty that is evident is just glitter but the kind of beauty you have to seek and find and you will find it if you look hard enough is pure gold.

Im a doll collector

When I was a little girl my grandmother who we called Ganny had a porcelin baby doll that her parents gave her from Germany when she was just a little girl herself that I really loved but not as much as my Ganny. Ganny always said to me that when I was older that she would give the doll to me but somehow my mom claimed it even though it was promised to me. It sat for a few years in my moms dresser till it somehow was claimed by me lol. I started collecting Yolanda Bello dolls when I was pregnant with my daughter Caitlin with the intention of giving them to her when she is older. Maybe one of these days she will claim them too

Another Blog Challenge

You wake up with amnesia. You don't remember anything. What would you use to help you remember who you are, and all about your life? What stories and memories would you want your family friends and SO to tell you to help you become yourself again?
Boy this is hard because I feel like every single thing I have ever experienced has had a impact on me whether it is good or bad and has helped shaped me into who I am. I would definatley want to remember it all the good the bad and the ugly because I think if some facet was missing then I truly wouldnt be me anymore and I enjoy being me. I would use my Book Of Me, my scrapbooks, family videos, and stories from family and friends to help me regain my lost memories to get a sense of who I was in a attempt to integrate them back into who I am now. I would want to know the stories of all the people I have loved in my life and those who loved me. I would want to know about the births of all my children and also the deaths of my two kids I lost. I would want to know about my childhood and how it impacted me further on in my adult life.Mainly I have to say Id want to know about love though as that is the most important thing in life

My first job a trip down memory lane

What was your first job? Today we are going to blog about our first, actual paycheck, job. Was it good bad or just ugly? What was it like, did you love it or hate it, do you miss it? Kinda like a trip down memory lane. This is a blogger challenge set up by my friend Beth on Scrapjazz. Actually I should call it a trip down Marshall Lane because that is where I had my first job. I had volunteered at Marshall Lane Manor when I was a young teenager because I so wanted to work there as a nursing assistant and they hired me when I turned sixteen. I loved my first job totally loved it. It was a physch nursing home and we had a variety of patients all of which I loved especially Pinky. Pinky was a little man of short statureand downs syndrome with a loving heart made of gold. Pinky couldnt verbalize much but his facial expressions and his hugs said it all. I was only sixteen and could remember coming home so exhausted I would be in bed taking a nap whenever I could lol.I can totally remember getting my first paycheck and the sense in pride I took in it. It wasnt much back in the day but I was on top of the world. I went and opened up my first bank account and deposited some of it and then went and bought everyone in my family a small gift because I could with my own money.I had to walk to work and back home because back then if you wanted something you worked to earn it and my parents werent just going to hand me a car or let me use the family car so I eventually saved enough and bought my own used car a red Vega baby woo hoo thought it looked sporty lol when I was nineteen. My job taught me to know what responsibility is and set me on a career path of caring for others which I find rewarding even to this day twenty nine years later.

A Day At The Lake

I have been overcome by the beauty and richness of our life together, those early mornings setting out, those evenings gleaming with rivers and lakes below us, still holding the last light.


I have always loved the water whether it be a lake a river or the ocean. It is without a doubt one of my favorite places on this great earth of ours to be. Being near the water brings me peace and comforts me in such a way that no other surrounding can do. To be at the water with one of my favorite people in the world is just divine.

While we were there that day we saw a motor boat with a raft in tow with the guy flying thru the air as if the raft was a kite. It looked like so much fun. I would have done it in a heartbeat!!

Some of the things I love about Florida

I love the natural beauty all around me here in Florida. I have always been a gardener so moving here to the south and a different climate is delightful as I continue to discover my new surroundings. I totally love seeing palm trees in my own neighborhood and the spanish moss hanging from the great oak trees while the gentle breezes blow in from the gulf. I love all the lakes and the spring fed rivers where the water is crystal clear and the fish are absolutley abundant and stunning to see and if your lucky you will even get to see a manatee.
Florida’s springs are a visible sign of rivers that run underground and then turn toward the surface where they discharge their clear, clean water into a pond. Many Florida rivers are really surface extensions of underground streams. They flow outward from a spring, supporting countless plants and animals with their temperate water.

Lakes in Citrus County can be small enough to swim across or large enough to support power boats, water skiing and even sailing. The Chain of Lakes near Inverness links several large lakes into a continuous body of water more than 20 miles in length.

Where spring-fed freshwater rivers flow into the Gulf of Mexico, a combination of stable temperature, even in winter, and the mixing of fresh and salt water, supports North America’s largest gathering of manatees and many other aquatic creatures including Florida’s famous and delicious blue crabs.

These are all pictures from my town

This IS cow town baby

Inverness is called natures suncoast of Florida and Citrus County is the Manatee Capitol of the world and it truly is a spectacular place to live as far as wildlife and birds go what strikes me most is the amount of cows and cattle here. Ocala is known for its raising of throughbreed horses and Florida is second only to Texas in cattle but for this city girl transplanted here in the rural south it is still a sight to be enjoyed.

well here you are reading the diary of a happy white woman and just in case your wondering who that is... it's me! I am new to blogging and I was trying to come up with a name that was befitting so I ran with a spin on the Diary Of A Mad Black Woman and turned it around to fit me. :)

My name is Cathy Sandy and I currently reside in what I call cow town otherwise known as Inverness Florida. Its been almost two years since I moved down here with my two kids and dog in tow and Im still adjusting to it somedays I wonder if I ever will lol.